


Only in darkness, can one find the light

by SophieRomanoff97



Series: The Lives of Little Natasha and her Family [20]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: ABDL, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Awesome Bruce Banner, Awesome Bucky Barnes, Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Awesome Steve Rogers, Awesome Tony Stark, Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Multi, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Panic, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Protective Avengers, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Red Room (Marvel), References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Team Bonding, Team as Family, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, True Love, unintentional though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-08-23 16:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20246212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: Includes sad Natty, big brother Bruce, a brilliant idea by Clint, family times and finding light in the darkness.Includes consensual, non sexual age regression, not age play. If you don't like it, don't read it, no nastiness will be tolerated.





	1. Team cheer up to the rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I know I've already got a little fic going on but this one is less whumpy and honestly? completely self-serving and written in an attempt to cheer myself up. I hope you all like it too. There's gonna be some nice fluffy stuff and some taking care of a depressed Natty and lots of family moments.
> 
> malyshka - baby  
myshka - little mouse

When Bucky woke up that morning there was a little girl curled up in between him and Steve.

It wasn't exactly unusual. They often awoke to find one or more kids asleep next to them. Steve and Bucky may have super hearing but those kids were damned sneaky and nine times out of ten never woke the pair up.

Bucky shifted carefully onto his side, tenderly brushing strands of red hair from Natasha's face, tucking it gently behind her ear.

He was startled to see how red her cheeks were and how the tear tracks visible were still wet. She couldn't have been there very long.

Still stroking over her hair, he leaned his head closer and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Baby," he murmured softly, "I know you're awake."

Natty kept up the pretense for another few seconds before sighing softly and flicking her eyes open.

Her green eyes were wide and wet and she sniffled softly as she averted her gaze from Bucky's searching one.

"Malyshka?" Bucky said softly, leaning his forehead against hers as he draped his arm over her waist. "What's going on, little love?"

Natasha shivered and squeezed her eyes shut, fingers curling into the front of Bucky's sleep shirt.

"Okay, Baby." He said softly, scooting himself closer so Natty could press her face to his shoulder. She inhaled shakily, the tell tale sign that the girl was about to cry.

"Daddy's here, baby girl, it's okay." He murmured, arm tightening around her as she shuddered, crying softly.

"I've got you." Bucky whispered, heart breaking as he rested his chin atop her head, gently rubbing up and down her back.

Beside the girl, Steve lifted his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Baby?" He murmured sleepily, shuffling himself closer, fingers trailing over her hair.

Natasha whimpered softly, sobbing harder now.

Bucky and Steve exchanged a quick glance, worried.

"That's okay if you can't talk right now, myshka, you don't have to explain if you can't. We've got you." Steve said softly, leaning his head back down against the pillow as the pair comforted the girl between them.

...

After a little while, the girl quietened, just sniffling now.

Gently tilting Natasha's chin up, Bucky wiped over her cheeks to dry them. "How about we get you all comfy and get some breakfast?"" He suggested softly.

The girl snuffled and rubbed clumsily at her nose, looking over her shoulder at Steve.

"'Kay." She whispered, thumb lifting up and sliding into her mouth.

"Yeah?" Steve hummed, shifting to sit up. "Okay, baby, you think about what your little tummy wants." He got out from the bed, leaning back to lift Natty into his arms.

She immediately tucked her head against the crook of his neck, legs wrapped tightly around his waist.

Bucky picked up the girl's discarded ballet build a bear Maya, since he knew she would be upset if she realized she'd forgotten it, and followed after Steve to the girl's room.

Steve didn't put Natasha down since sloth mode had activated, just shifted her easily to his hip so he could open up her wardrobe.

"Alright, love, what're we thinking?" He hummed, gently shifting from side to side.

"Soft." The girl whispered, wiping her hand over her nose, head leaning against his shoulder.

Steve hummed, trailing his fingers over the outfits all hung up neatly. The softest options were usually the onesie's. "Okay, do we want a warm one?" In other words, did they want a long sleeved and legged one of just one that snapped at the crotch.

Natty nodded, sucking at her thumb. "Warm." She mumbled around the digit.

Glancing over his shoulder, Steve saw that Bucky was already rifling through the cabinet beside the bed, coming over triumphant.

"Open up, baby, your poor little thumb is all pruney." Bucky smiled, lightly tickling under her chin under the girl dropped her hand and accepted the Captain America pacifier.

Bucky scanned the onesie's that were suitable for what the girl wanted, grinning as he pulled one off the hanger. "Since you already have the pacifier, it would only be right to where the Captain America one, right?"

Natasha smiled softly, nodding and patting Steve's cheek as it flushed a little.

Bucky laughed softly and kissed Steve's temple, "aw Stevie, don't go gettin' all shy on us now."

The man rolled his eyes in response, though he couldn't help the smile on his face. "C'mon baby, let's get you changed." He hummed.

...

Ten minutes later and Steve was carrying a quiet Natasha through to the kitchen.

They'd had a little bit of an issue trying to convince the girl to wear a diaper and she'd been incredibly wriggly in an attempt to make it difficult for the pair.

In the end, she'd conceded because she knew she might need it. She just didn't _like_ it, which, understandable.

There had been a few more tears but Steve and Bucky were experts and cheering the girl up. They'd promised French toast, and Natasha had perked up a little.

Instead of putting Natasha down in the high chair, that they rarely used anyway, Bucky sat down and Steve helped the girl get comfortable on his lap.

"French toast coming up." Steve hummed, pressing a kiss to the girl's forehead.

"French toast?" A sleepy voice asked from the door as Bruce shuffled into the kitchen.

"Yeah, bud, do you want some?" Steve smiled, recognizing the mannerisms and slightly different voice that indicated Bruce was dropped. He must have just woken up, because if there was an awake little that was dropped Jarvis let them know.

The boy glanced around the room, eyes settling on his sister for a moment. He bit his lip and looked up at Steve. "Sure, okay. I can help."

He didn't move straight to where Steve was getting ingredients ready though. Noticing now subdued and upset Natty seemed to be, he first headed over to her, crouching down in front of her.

The girl peeked through her hair at the boy as she sucked furiously at her pacifier.

"Mornin' sissy." Bruce hummed, poking a finger into her side. "You want me to make you super special juice?" He asked, his voice hushed and secretive.

A small smile crossed the girl's face and she shook her hair out of her face. "Really?" She asked softly.

"Of course I am, silly, I know how much you like it." Bruce smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to a still damp cheek.

"Fanks." Natty whispered, fingers curling around Bruce's for a moment before she let go and dropped her head back to Bucky's shoulder.

Bruce smiled and hopped up, glad he could at least make Natty a little something that could make her smile.

It was super easy. It was just the Simply lemonade with strawberry, blue majik spirulina powder, edible silver glitter and served with a little edible blue flower on top.

All Bruce had to do was put the stuff in the blender but Natasha loved it. She called it Mermaid juice.

As Bruce happily got started on that, Steve began to make the French toast.

Clint was away and Tony was in the workshop, so they only had to make extra for the latter.

They all liked the French toast different ways but at least they could all agree on cinnamon in the egg mix. That made it so much easier.

As the pair made breakfast, Bucky kept a still decidedly grumpy Natasha occupied. He made Maya the bear dance around and talk, earning at least one giggle from the girl. He let Natasha pick an activity she wanted to do and after a lot of back and forth, she had gone simple with just some time with her toys and maybe a film.

It was clear she wasn't in the mood for anything bigger or more exciting than that and definitely not up to leaving the Tower.

She'd been quiet and down for the last few days, ever since she'd come back from a play date at Shield day care. But no matter how much they tried to get her to open up, she wouldn't and it didn't help that Clint was on mission.

Not even Phil or Maria knew what had happened, according to them everything had been fine and then twenty minutes before heading home, Natasha had gotten upset and tried to run out the day care.

She hadn't dropped since then and Natasha had been pretty continuously holed up in her room for the days that followed.

They'd been expecting a delay in drops for a while, for Natasha to refuse it and then for it to eventually get to the point where a panic drop happened.

Luckily, that hadn't been the case.

Bucky hoped that with a nice, gentle day of being with family and enjoying some of her favorite things, that they could get to the bottom of what was going on with their girl.

Bucky and Natasha cuddled for the remainder of breakfast prep time, the former rocking the girl gently and humming an old Russian song to her.

As Steve set the plates down and headed out to the elevator to go give Tony his, Bucky smiled over at Bruce as the boy set the very magical looking juice in front of the girl.

"Ooh." Natty breathed, ducking her head to watch the glitter swirl around through the clear plastic. "Pretty."

"Jus' like you then." Bruce beamed as he carefully sprinkled powdered sugar over his French toast.

Natasha giggled softly, leaning forward to take a sip through the straw of the sippy cup. "Yummy!" She rubbed at her tummy.

"Good." The boy laughed, flushed a little. "Now eat up for daddy, Natty."

Natasha obediently opened her mouth as Bucky speared a forkful of French toast, strawberries and maple syrup and carefully brought it towards her.

Yeah, Bucky thought, maybe today was exactly what Natasha needed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Myshka- little mouse

Natasha seemed lethargic as Bucky carefully fed her little forkfuls of her breakfast.

It wasn't the kind of lethargy or funk she got into when she was tired or had done too much physically.

It was the kind of lethargy that worried Bucky, that showed the girl was overwhelmed in a whole number of ways.

She normally had to take time off work during those times, which seemed to make it all worse.

She lost interest in things she loved, slept in, didn't want to move or get out of bed or go outside. She was always tired, easy to upset and cry, got angry and said things she didn't mean.

They weren't idiots, they knew she was depressed, a lot of them suffered with it, even if it was different for all of them. 

It was unusual she came straight to them when it happened though, and it was reassuring to see that Natasha had gotten into bed with them that morning instead of suffering alone.

They got halfway through breakfast when Natasha absolutely refused any more, turning her head and crossing her arms over her chest, even as Bruce and Bucky did their best to cajole her and convince her to just eat a little more.

The depressive episodes also tended to either make her starving hungry or not hungry at all, which usually brought up her old eating disorder thoughts.

It became clear as Bucky held another bite of French toast to the girl's lips that if he didn't drop it, it wouldn't end well.

Natty never really threw tantrums, was usually the sweetest kid ever but during these times she was quick to get overwhelmed and therefore quick to anger.

With a small smile, Bucky dropped the fork to the plate and rocked Natty from side to side. "Alright, love." He murmured, "that'll do for now." 

Natasha sniffled and rubbed her face against Bucky's shirt, "wanna go to bed." She mumbled.

Bruce met Bucky's worried gaze across the table.

"Is that really what you wanna do, sissy?" The boy asked quietly, shuffling a little closer.

Natasha looked over at him and then up at Bucky before burying her face in her hands. She let out a shaky little breath, shoulders shaking.

"Because we understand if that's really what you want to do. One of us can take you back there and sit outside the room." Bucky said softly, rubbing his hand up and down the girl's back. "But if that's not what _you_ really wanna do and it's what your head thinks you should do, maybe we can work something else out, hmm?"

"I..." the girl stammered, rubbing hard at her eyes. "I don't know." She whined, hiccupping weakly.

"Okay. Okay." Bucky hummed, rubbing up and down her back. "Let's just take it easy, okay? How about we go into the living room and we get a few of your toys out like we said? If in say, twenty minutes, you still want to go to your room, I'll take you."

"We can get the tea set out." Bruce suggested, "I can go fetch some stuffies?"

Natasha sniffled, unceremoniously wiping her nose with the sleeve of her onesie as she slowly lifted her head.

She shifted a little uncomfortably, shrugging her shoulders.

Taking that as a soft maybe, Bruce stood to go fetch the stuffies as Bucky lifted Natasha onto his hip and headed to the living room.

Knowing too much would overwhelm her, he laid out a blanket and got out a small section of the tea set, laying it neatly in a circle.

Natasha still at his side, Bucky laid down four cushions, for him, Natty, Bruce and Steve when got back from the lab.

However, as Bucky tried to put Natasha down, the girl only whined and dug her fingers into his shirt, absolutely refusing.

Instead, Bucky sat himself on one of the pillows and settled Natasha between his legs, brushing a hand through her hair.

"We should have Maria over again soon, huh baby?" Bucky hummed, kissing her head. 

Natasha shrugged again, staring at the toys, looking a little lost.

"Maybe we could invite the twins, yeah? I know Wanda has been dying for a play date?"

Natasha did seem to perk up a little at the idea and Bucky was already calculating when abouts they'd be able to do that.

Bucky, sensing that Natasha was quite enjoying hearing future plans, quickly came up with more.

"And, for your birthday, how about a tea party? We could invite Maria and the twins, maybe Sharon? Bobbi too. Hell, let's go all out. Phil and Nick and Melinda. What d'you think?"

"And Grant?" Natasha asked softly, teeth biting at her lip.

"Sure, baby. Grant too. Anyone else?" Bucky hummed, glad she was getting involved.

"Peter?" She asked, peeking up at him.

They hadn't had a chance to meet little Peter yet but Tony had been talking to Pepper, Peter's mommy, about having him over. 

Pepper had babysat Tony a lot but had never thought she had enough big in her to be a mommy until Peter came around.

"Sure. Anything you want, malyshka." Bucky smiled.

"And...and we can dress up?" Natasha whispered, seeming a little brighter. 

"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. When Clint gets home, we'll start sorting it out right away. Only the best for my little girl.'' Bucky hummed, nuzzling against her hair.

"What's a wonderful idea?" Bruce asked, arms laden with stuffies that he very carefully placed down and began sorting into a line.

"Throwing a party for Natty's birthday. All our friends, dressing up, tea, cake, those little sandwiches, special drinks." Bucky smiled.

"That does sound like a great idea, huh, sissy?" Bruce grinned as he finished setting out the stuffies.

The elevator opened then and Steve came walking over. "Are we having a tea party?" He hummed, flopping right down on a pillow.

Natasha was a little disappointed to see Tony wasn't with him, but he was very busy and she didn't want to bother him.

"Tea." Natty nodded, inhaling slowly and reaching for the plastic cups.

She handed them out to the boys and placed smaller ones in front of each stuffies before picking up the teapot.

As Natasha carefully poured out 'tea' into the cups, Bucky told Steve about the birthday party and immediately the man was full of ideas. 

"We could even get a bounce house." Steve suggested, earning a smile from Natty and a whoop from Bruce.

They all sipped from their cups, coming up with more ideas and setting a firmer date and time for the party. Her birthday was months away but with the people she wanted to invite, they'd have to plan far in advance to make sure everyone could come.

The twenty minute limit Bucky had suggested came and went, meaning that Natty hadn't actually wanted to go to her room or bed at all.

The elevator opened almost half an hour later and Natasha lit up as Tony walked out.

"Sorry I'm late, just had to finish something up. Room for one more?" He smiled.

Natasha nodded, pointing at the empty pillow.

Tony sat down immediately, "this all looks great, Nat."

"Really?" The girl whispered, "do you...do you want tea?" She asked, hopeful.

Tony smiled and held out his plastic cup. "I would absolutely love some tea, Nat."

After she'd poured it, Tony pretended to take a big sip. "Ah, that hits the spot." He grinned, winking at Natty.

After another half an hour of tea time, Natasha looked up at Bucky. "Sticker?" She asked softly.

"You wanna get your books out, myshka? Then that's what we'll do. We just have to put your toys away first, okay?"

Natasha sighed but nodded and began to crawl towards the cups, helped by Bruce, putting them all in her box.

Ten minutes later, she was spread out on her stomach with her sticker books in front of her, tongue sticking out with concentration.

Maybe the day would turned out better than they hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You bet your ads I'm gonna be writing Nat's bday party and the farm trip soon! So stay tuned and maybe subscribe 😉 thanks for the support guys! Love ya!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoopsie guess who had their first panic attack in a while last night and decided to be completely self serving and write this chapter :)
> 
> TW: panic attacks, brief mention of unintentional self harm
> 
> Russian translations:  
myshka - little mouse  
malyshka - baby

Unfortunately, Bucky had thought that too soon.

Natasha occupied herself with the sticker books for only about twenty minutes before she sat up, legs crossed, hands clasped in her lap, looking overwhelmed and uncertain.

They could all tell that something was about to happen so Bruce carefully tidied everything away so the girl didn’t have to worry about it and Steve scooped the girl up and carried her over to the couch.

Before she’d even gotten sat down, she was crying. It was small, hiccuping little sniffles at first, like she was trying to hold it in, but it soon progressed to full on sobbing.

She covered her face with her hands, her entire body trembling as she cried, obviously confused as to why she was crying in the first place, making the whole thing worse.

“It’s okay, baby girl, you’re okay, everyone is here for you. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to not know why, it happens to everyone.” Steve tried to reassure her as she sat half in between her two daddies, arms wrapped around her as her sobs broke all their hearts.

“'M being stupid.'' Natty whispered, barely managing to get the words out through how intensely she was sobbing her heart out.

“Not stupid. Not stupid at all, never stupid.” Bucky murmured, rubbing up and down her quivering back. “Our baby is not stupid and we don’t appreciate her brain being so mean to her. That’s the best girl in the universe you’re talking down to.”

Natasha full on whimpered, her nails digging into the sides of her temples for just a second before Steve caught her hands and held them gently in his grasp.

“Just let it out, myshka, we’ve got you. You’re not alone.” Steve whispered, peppering her hair and face with kisses.

Just when it seemed like the attack was passing, Natasha began to gasp, surprised little huffs of air escaping her lips. Her fingers twitched in Steve’s before gripping on for dear life. 

She lifted her head, looking petrified as she fought for air, her cheeks flushed and her nose dripping.

The men adjusted Natasha so she was sitting flush against Steve’s front, his arm wound around her waist as Bucky spoke in soft Russian to her.

“I know you’re scared and your thoughts are so loud right now but you’re okay, my love, you can breathe and you are not dying or hurt, you can do this. Try and take a deep breath for your daddies, baby, you can do it, just like we practiced. Take a breath and we’ll count out loud. One, two…great try baby, let’s go again.” Bucky soothed.

Steve rubbed his fingers rubbing over her stomach to try and distract her and get her to unclench her tightly wound muscles.

“You’re doing so good, our brave little firebird, let’s go again and hold it when we get to three. This is going to pass, I promise you.” Steve murmured against her ear as Natasha gasped and panted, often bursting into fresh tears when she got overwhelmed again.

After a little while, the attack seemed to lessen and though the girl was still gasping, her breaths were less ragged and a little more controlled.

Bruce was watching very worriedly from the other couch, Tony’s arm wrapped around him. 

“Come on, Bruice, let’s go get sissy some water, hmm?” The man said softly, managing to convince Bruce to get off the couch. They all hated feeling so helpless and having a task that would help would hopefully lessen some of the boy’s own anxiety.

Hand very firmly wrapped in Tony’s, Bruce reluctantly left the room for the kitchen. “Should we get some of her stuff?” he asked, voice small and trembling.

“I think that’s a great idea, bud, you are so clever.” Tony said softly, sincere as he led the boy out.

As Natasha slowly got control of her breathing, the two men wrapped her up in their arms until they were all tangled up with their girl carefully squished in the middle. They didn’t have her weighted blanket on hand so they were effectively being that themselves.

Steve used the corner of a blanket to wipe of her nose and her tear stained cheeks, throwing it to the ground after to be dealt with later.

Natasha couldn’t speak, just sniffled and rubbed at her eyes, energy spent as she leaned into her daddy’s touches.

After a few minutes, Natasha looked up, all doe eyes and looking as miserable as sin. “Okay?” She whispered hoarsely, voice scratchy and barely there.

Immediately understand the girl’s need for reassurances, Bucky and Steve gave her plenty.

“You are so okay, malyshka.” Steve murmured.

“Everything is okay. We’re all okay and you are safe.” Bucky whispered, kissing her hair.

“Nothing is broken, nothing is wrong, we’re all good.” Steve said softly.

“Sleepy.” Natty whispered.

“How about we take our nap now, baby? You must be so so tired and you deserve to rest.” Bucky said as they shifted positions until Natty was laying being spooned by Steve with Bucky at the girl’s feet. 

She didn’t seem to want to let either of them go but Bruce and Tony came to their rescue.

Tony settled a soft blanket over the pair and Bruce tucked BunBun and Maya into Natasha’s waiting hands, and a pacifier into her mouth, after he'd gotten her to sip some cold water.

Bruce had brought one of the girl’s storybooks from her bedroom and he sat cross-legged on the floor and began to read to her.

Natty was so exhausted and felt so crummy still that she fell asleep in no time, anxiety attacks wore her out so much but they were usually lucky if they could get her to sleep after one but this time a story and lots of cuddles seemed to do the trick.

Once she was sleeping relatively comfortably, Steve twisted carefully to look at Bucky and the other pair, his expression soft and worried.

“We should call Clint.” He said quietly. “See if he can come home.”

Bucky nodded, “that’s probably a good idea.” He agreed, eyes on Natasha as she slept. “I’m worried.” He breathed, face pinched and brows furrowed.

“She’ll be okay.” Tony said firmly, arm around Bruce’s waist. “She’s not alone.”

She would never be alone again and she would never ever have to suffer by herself ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops this got a lot darker than it was supposed to sorry. 
> 
> This fic isn't doing well at all really and I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing wrong so if someone could help me out and let me know that would be great!
> 
> TW: depression, nightmares, hints at darker themes and possible outcomes 
> 
> Things are going to get better pretty soon.
> 
> Let me know if you want a fic where we explore the darker stuff!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

After an hour or so, Natty had begun whimpering softly in her sleep so the two men tried their best to comfort her.

She twisted a few times, muttering in broken Russian.

Steve wasn't fluent by any means so he wasn't sure what she was saying but judging by the look on Bucky's face, that might have been a good thing.

"Maybe we should get the special blanket?" Bruce suggested quietly, his own features twisted with worry and misery as he watched his little sister toss and turn.

"That's a great idea, bud, but maybe we'll wait until she wakes up, okay?" Tony said softly, his arm still around the boy.

Bruce looked confused for a few seconds before his mouth opened and his horrified gaze slid up to Tony. "Oh." He breathed.

"No, Brucie, hey. It's really a brilliant idea but we just don't want her to wake up and be confused, yeah? The blanket's heavy and we don't want her to feel trapped at all." 

"I...I didn't think..." Bruce stammered, his hands curled into fists.

"It's okay." Tony soothed, running his fingers through the boy's curls. "I'm sure she would be very grateful if we fetched it for later. Maybe we can heat up her lavender pack and tuck it in with her for now."

Bruce inhaled shakily and nodded. "Okay. Tea?" He added in a whisper.

"You want some of your special tea?" Tony asked softly. It was a chamomile blend that Bruce made himself with various dried plants and he only drank it when he was upset or distressed or felt like he might not be able to stop himself changing.

The boy nodded, eyes straying back to his sister. He was holding a hand over his stomach and Tony felt his own ache with sympathy.

Little Bruce was often a bundle of emotions and his anxiety often morphed into physical symptoms like stomach aches or nausea.

"Come on, love." Tony said lightly, sliding the boy forward so he could stand.

Once Bruce and Tony were out of the room, Natasha's mumbling got louder and she was more thrashing instead of tossing so Bucky knew it was time to wake her up.

Not knowing which Natasha they would wake; assassin, agent or little girl, Bucky and Steve carefully peeled themselves away from the girl and stood instead.

Natasha would never attack them on purpose but whatever she was dreaming about, it certainly wasn't sunshine and rainbows so they had no idea how she would react when woken.

Bucky stood at her head with Steve, out of range of her hands if it came to it.

After shaking her gently and calling her name a few times, the girl woke.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she was on her feet and running, clearly disorientated. 

She stopped just shy of the door, blinking and slowly looking around the room as she came to fully.

"Nat." Steve said carefully. "Hey, love, you're okay."

Natasha blinked at them and she seemed so on edge that Bucky was almost certain she wasn't their little girl anymore.

No little girl should look that terrified and that confused. Not ever.

But Natasha was certainly behaving like their little girl would do in that situation and she almost looked close to tears.

Knowing the woman in front of them wasn't the assassin or agent, Bucky headed over to her, hands held up to show he wasn't going to hurt her.

"Here, why don't we go sit down, okay?" He asked as he reached her.

It seemed like her spur of the moment run mixed with the young age she was sitting at, meant she was fixed to the spot with jelly legs- something they used to explain the younger kids shaky way of walking when dropped.

"Can I pick you up, doll? Just to take you over to the couch so we can get comfy?" Bucky smiled reassuringly.

Natasha looked carefully from Bucky to Steve and then to the couch. After a moment, she nodded slowly.

In a second, Bucky was scooping her up and carrying her back to her seat, setting her down gently.

He crouched in front of her as Steve began picking up fallen stuffies and blankets.

"You had a real bad dream, huh love? But it's okay, you're not there anymore. You're at home and you're safe." Bucky kept his voice low and soft as he brushed sticky strands of hair off her forehead. 

She still hadn't spoken which usually meant she was baby age (but then she wouldn't have been able to stand at all) or that she was very overwhelmed and was shutting down to try and comprehend everything.

She pulled in a big breath and looked up with her big, heart breaking eyes. She whispered, "daddy?"

But Bucky knew she wasn't asking about him or even Steve, hovering close by. She was asking about Clint.

"Daddy's on the way home right now, baby. Uncle Phil is dropping him off super soon, okay? I know you've missed him so much but he can't wait to see you." Bucky said, though he felt his heart breaking at the utterly hopeless look in her eyes.

He could feel her completely shutting down right in front of them. And this wasn't just over stimulation or anxiety, it was something else, something bigger and it terrified the man so much.

Bucky knew they were headed somewhere very dark if Natasha was left to retreat into her head, and he absolutely could not let that happen.

They had to engage her, try anything to get her to respond and stay present in the moment so she didn't go drifting or completely block them out.

"Steve," Bucky fought to keep his voice even, "can you go to Natty's room and grab the tactile box, please. And literally anything she might like to hold or look at or play with."

Steve, seeing the panic in Bucky's eyes, knew how bad this was getting.

There was every chance someone could get very very hurt if this escalated, and odds were it would be Natasha herself.

There were so many places an expert spy could run off to or hide or lock herself into. 

For a brief moment, Steve very much considered locking The Tower down in case Natasha was going to bolt. Sure, The Tower was big but if she ran outside, there was no telling how far she could get.

But then he remembered that Clint was coming home and wouldn't be able to get in and Natasha badly needed him.

So he held off on activating that protocol, but at the first sign of trouble he wouldn't hesitate. Not if it meant keeping her as safe as they could. 

Steve nodded and walked out the room, passing Tony and Bruce dragging the heavy weighted blanket and somehow balancing tea too.

Tony opened his mouth to ask what the look on Steve's face was about but after a pointed look to Bruce on Steve's part, Tony understood.

"Alright, Brucie, let's get your sister her blanket."

When Steve returned, arms laden with items; her tactile box, full of differently textured items that could light up or had sounds, storybook, stuffies and dolls, things easy to hold and play with, Natasha was tucked under the blanket.

Steve and Tony were shoulder to shoulder with her and Bruce sat at her feet, fingers wrapped around her knee. Steve thought the touch was helping both the littles. 

Natasha still looked...distant and she made no sound or indication she'd even heard or seen him come in.

He crouched beside Bruce and engaged the boy with helping him pick out items.

"I think soft and with lights. Sounds might not be good." The boy murmured as he passed a soft square of fabric and a little ball that changed colours to his sister.

She held them but again, made no notice that they were there.

The next few minutes were spent picking a brightly coloured TV show, surrounding the girl with her stuffies and dolls and the lavender heat pack, picking a book to read to her, and making sure she had skin to skin contact.

Hopefully with enough stimuli, Natasha would respond to at least one of the things they'd done and they would have gotten her to a safer place.

Clint couldn't get home soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you liked it or have anything to say! I feel like not many people are enjoying this and I'd like to know if I can do anything to make it better.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Russian translations:  
Malyshka - baby  
Milaya - sweetie
> 
> This is a shorter chapter cause chronic illness is a bitch but I really wanted to write something for this fic cause it's a big help to my mental health and I love writing this series it's my favourite thing to do so I hope I didn't disappoint. 
> 
> This letter thing is an idea I've had for a long time ever since my best friend and I did it a RP and whilst that was with big Nat, I thought it would be super sweet to do it with little Nat. Let me know if you'd like a separate fic with big Nat's letters💛

When Clint walked out of the elevator, there was none of the usual excitement or joy. 

No running over to Clint and leaping into his arms, no giggles and sloppy kisses and whispered Russian endearments.

In fact, Natasha barely even registered Clint's presence, even as the archer dropped his bag and crouched in front of the girl.

"Hi, love." He murmured softly, fingers gently brushing through her hair. "Not having a good day, huh, baby? That's okay, it happens. I know it's scary and you feel all icky, but you won't feel this way forever."

Natasha slowly lifted her head from where her gaze was focused on the light up ball in her grasp.

She didn't say anything, but her lower lip was trembling and her big green eyes were filled with yet more tears.

"It's okay, malyshka, daddy's home now. He's not going anywhere.'' Clint cupped her cheek gently, thumb brushing under her eyes to collect a fallen tear. 

Natasha sniffled harder but seemed to be stubbornly refusing to cry.

"You want a hug, sweet girl? Daddy's hugs have healing powers.'' He said seriously, opening his arms wider, leaving the choice up to her.

Natasha cast her gaze down for a moment, twisting the ball over and over in her hands.

After a few moments, she rubbed at her eyes and shuffled forward.

The second Natasha began to move, Clint was wrapping her arms around. He carefully moved until he was sitting properly on the floor, scooping Natty up into his lap.

She tucked her face against his shoulder and he held onto her tightly, rocking them back and forth as he murmured sweet nothing's to the girl clinging to him.

"I have an idea, baby." Clint hummed softly as he rubbed Natasha's trembling back. "Why don't we go check out the post box and see what fun stuff people have sent you, huh? Remember when that nice girl sent a new toy?"

Natasha shrugged and unceremoniously wiped her nose on Clint's shoulder. He didn't mind.

She didn't seem enthused by the idea but didn't seem to outright hate it so Clint looked behind Natasha to Bucky and Steve. "Could you go?" He asked softly, not wanting to force Natasha off him so soon, especially because she was definitely in sloth mode.

Bucky smiled and nodded. "Sure, sounds like a great idea."

With the two men heading out, Clint looked over at the other pair. He smiled at Bruce. "Hey bud, you've been being such a big help today, huh?"

Bruce shrugged and dropped his gaze, cheeks flushing a little.

"He definitely has.'' Tony nodded proudly. "The best brother ever."

"Nat's very lucky to have you, Brucie." Clint said softly, his cheek resting atop Natasha's head. 

"Tryin'." Bruce mumbled.

"And succeeding." Steve hummed as him and Bucky came in, their arms laden with envelopes and boxes.

"Wow, look at all that, Natty." Clint murmured, gently shifting her a little so she could see all the goodies. 

"There's so many here for our girl." Bucky whispered secretively as they lowered everything carefully onto the table.

If Natasha was big, they would have just let her have at all the stuff, but Clint knew some letters were likely to be geared away from little her and could include things not suitable for Natty.

After sorting through the piles, all of them had their own piles and Natasha had two, one pile to be kept for when she wasn't dropped.

Clint had managed to convince the girl to twist in his lap so her back was against his front so he could help her with the letters. 

"What about this one, milaya? Look at all the kitty stickers, wow." Clint hummed as he held the letter in her lap, his arms around her.

Natasha hummed noncommittally and made no moves to open the letter so Clint did it for her. 

The paper inside was a soft baby blue and also covered in kitty stickers.

"Okay, baby. Let's see what this one says." He grinned, nuzzling her cheek.

"Hi, Natty! My mommy helped me write this letter because I really wanted to send something. We watched the charity ball thingy on TV the other night and I thought it was so brave that you were little and didn't try to hide it. I've had a lot of trouble with anxiety and haven't been able to be little outside the house cause I get real scared. But the morning after the event, I asked mommy to take me to the park. I was little and I even played on the swings with some friends I made. I wouldn't have ever been brave enough to go out little if I hadn't seen the event so thank you for helping me be brave. We saw the picture your daddy posted of you and the kitty. I love kitties and we have a little guy called Leo. I sent a picture so you could see, and mommy helped me pick out a present for you. I hope you like it, thank you for being brave! Love, Emily."

Clint smiled and pressed a kiss to Natasha's head. "Isn't that so nice, baby girl? Look at her little kitty." He hummed, sliding the Polaroid out of the envelope, holding it up so she could see properly.

"Kitty-" Natasha whispered, finger gliding over the photograph.

Clint grinned as she spoke for the first time since he'd gotten home.

"And look, princess, here's the present she sent with it." Bucky smiled, kneeling in front of her with brown box.

With the pair's help, Natasha got the tape off and rifled around in the tissue paper until she pulled out a medium sized black kitty stuffie. It had a little red collar around it's neck and a little tag where she could write a name for it, as well as who the kitty belonged to.

"Isn't it so sweet?" Clint murmured, watching with a soft gaze as Natty's fingers skid over the fur.

Natasha nodded and craned her neck so she could look up at him. "'Nother?"

"Absolutely, baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make a v happy girl if you're so inclined. Thanks for reading!❤


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